A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?!" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained. " It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me"

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

He never heard the gunshot.

Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids. After his talk he
offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.

" Walter," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Walter?"

"I have four questions:

First, Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the
Congress?

Second, Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's
actually gotten worse?

Third, Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor,
then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?

Fourth, Why are we lending $ to Brazil to drill for oil, but
America is not allowed to drill for oil?"

Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that
they will continue after recess.

When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right:
question time.. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him
his name.

"Mikey," he responds.

"And what is your question, Mikey?"

Actually, I have two questions.

First, Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?

Second, What the hell happened to Walter?"

I do not like this Uncle Sam, I do not like his health care scam.

I do not like these dirty crooks, or how they lie and cook the books.

I do not like when Congress steals, I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like this woman, Nan , I do not like this 'YES WE CAN.'

I do not like this spending spree, I'm smart, I know that nothing's free.

I do not like your smug replies, when I complain about your lies.

I do not like this kind of hope. I do not like it, nope, nope, nope.

We gotta vote out this hopeless dope.

Stores with Senior Discounts...


You may have seen these, but I sure did not know about some of these discounts.

Some of these are for starting @ age 50 +

You may want to print it out and carry in your wallet, purse, or car

Stores with Senior Discounts (pass it on!)


IF YOU SHOP OR EAT AT ANY OF THESE PLACES, YOU MIGHT AS WELL ASK FOR THE
DISCOUNT.

My source said you have to ask for them, they aren't automatically given !!

Restaurants with Senior Discounts
(some of these have some really great discounts!)
Applebee's: 15% off with Golden Apple Card (60+)
Arby's: 10% off (55+)
Ben & Jerry's: 10% off (60+)
Bennigan's: discount varies by location
Bob's Big Boy: discount varies by location (60+)
BostonMarket: 10% off (65+)
Burger King: 10% off (60+)
Captain D's Seafood: discount varies on location (62+)
Chick-Fil-A: 10% off or free small drink or coffee (55+)
Chili's: 10% off (55+)
CiCi's Pizza: 10% off (60+)
Culver's: 10% off (60+)
Denny's: 10% off, 20% off for AARP members (55+)
Dunkin' Donuts: 10% off or free coffee (55+)
Einstein's Bagels: 10% off baker's dozen of bagels (60+)
Fuddrucker's: 10% off any senior platter (55+)
Gatti's Pizza: 10% off (60+)
Golden Corral: 10% off (60+)
Hardee's: $0.33 beverages everyday (65+)
IHOP: 10% off (55+)
Jack in the Box: up to 20% off (55+)
KFC: free small drink with any meal (55+)
Krispy Kreme: 10% off (50+)
Long John Silver's: various discounts at participating locations (55+)
McDonald's: discounts on coffee everyday (55+)
Mrs. Fields: 10% off at participating locations (60+)
Shoney's: 10% off
Sonic: 10% off or free beverage (60+)
Steak 'n Shake: 10% off every Monday & Tuesday (50+)
Subway: 10% off (60+)
Sweet Tomatoes 10% off (62+)
Taco Bell: 5% off; free beverages for seniors (65+)
TCBY: 10% off (55+)
Tea Room Cafe: 10% off (50+)
Village Inn: 10% off (60+)
Waffle House: 10% off every Monday (60+)
Wendy's: 10% off (55+)
WhiteCastle: 10% off (62+)


Retail and Apparel
Banana Republic: 10% off (50+)
Bealls: 20% off first Tuesday of each month (50+)
Belk's: 15% off first Tuesday of every month (55+)
Big Lots: 10% off
Bon-Ton Department Stores: 15% off on senior discount days (55+)
C.J. Banks: 10% off every Wednesday (60+)
Clarks: 10% off (62+)
Dress Barn: 10% off (55+)
Goodwill: 10% off one day a week (date varies by location)
Hallmark: 10% off one day a week (date varies by location)
Kmart: 20% off (50+)
Kohl's: 15% off (60+)
Modell's Sporting Goods: 10% off
Rite Aid: 10% off on Tuesdays & 10% off prescriptions
Ross Stores: 10% off every Tuesday (55+)
The Salvation Army Thrift Stores: up to 50% off (55+)
Stein Mart: 20% off red dot/clearance items first Monday of every month
(55+)


Grocery
Albertson's: 10% off first Wednesday of each month (55+)
American Discount Stores: 10% off every Monday (50+)
Compare Foods Supermarket: 10% off every Wednesday (60+)
DeCicco Family Markets: 5% off every Wednesday (60+)
Food Lion: 6% off every Monday (60+)
Fry's Supermarket: free Fry's VIP Club Membership & 10% off every Monday
(55+)
Great Valu Food Store: 5% off every Tuesday (60+)
Gristedes Supermarket: 10% off every Tuesday (60+)
Harris Teeter: 5% off every Tuesday (60+)
Hy-Vee: 5% off one day a week (date varies by location)
Kroger: 10% off (date varies by location)
Morton Williams Supermarket: 5% off every Tuesday (60+)
The Plant Shed: 10% off every Tuesday (50+)
Publix: 5% off every Wednesday (55+)
RogersMarketplace: 5% off every Thursday (60+)
Uncle Guiseppe's Marketplace: 5% off (62+)


New Seasons Grocery 10% off on Wed. (65+) 10% Tue. (military)

Travel
AlaskaAirlines: 10% off (65+)
Alamo: up to 25% off for AARP members
American Airlines: various discounts for 65 and up (call before booking
for discount)
Amtrak: 15% off (62+)
Avis: up to 25% off for AARP members
Best Western: 10% off (55+)
Budget Rental Cars: 10% off; up to 20% off for AARP members (50+)
CambriaSuites: 20%-30% off (60+)
Clarion: 20%-30% off (60+)
Comfort Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Comfort Suites: 20%-30% off (60+)
Continental Airlines: no initiation fee for Continental Presidents Club &
special fares for select destinations
Dollar Rent-A-Car: 10% off (50+)
Econo Lodge: 20%-30% off (60+)
EnterpriseRent-A-Car: 5% off for AARP members
Greyhound: 5% off (62+)
Hampton Inns & Suites: 10% off when booked 72 hours in advance
Hertz: up t0 25% off for AARP members
Holiday Inn: 10%-30% off depending on location (62+)
Hyatt Hotels: 25%-50% off (62+)
InterContinental Hotels Group: various discounts at all hotels (65+)
Mainstay Suites: 10% off with Mature Traveler's Discount (50+); 20%-30%
off (60+)
Marriott Hotels: 15% off (62+)
Motel 6: 10% off (60+)
Myrtle BeachResort: 10% off (55+)
National Rent-A-Car: up to 30% off for AARP members
Quality Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Rodeway Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Sleep Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Southwest Airlines: various discounts for ages 65 and up (call before
booking for discount)
Trailways Transportation System: various discounts for ages 50 and up
United Airlines: various discounts for ages 65 and up (call before booking
for discount)
U.S.Airways: various discounts for ages 65 and up (call before booking for
discount)

Activities & Entertainment
AMC Theaters: up to 30% off (55+)
Bally Total Fitness: up to $100 off memberships (62+)
BuschGardens Tampa: $3 off one-day tickets (50+)
Carmike Cinemas: 35% off (65+)
Cinemark/Century Theaters: up to 35% off
U.S.National Parks: $10 lifetime pass; 50% off additional services
including camping (62+)
Regal Cinemas: 30% off
Ripley's Believe it or Not: @ off one-day ticket (55+)
SeaWorld Orlando: $3 off one-day tickets (50+)

Cell Phone Discounts
AT&T: Special Senior Nation 200 Plan $29.99/month (65+)
Jitterbug: $10/month cell phone service (50+)
Verizon Wireless: Verizon Nationwide 65 Plus Plan $29.99/month (65+)
*Check out our Secret Cell Phone Discounts to view all cell phone
discounts available to you!


Miscellaneous
Great Clips: $3 off hair cuts (60+)
Super Cuts: $2 off haircuts (60+)


Since many senior discounts are not advertised to the public, our advice
to men and women over 55 is to ALWAYS ask a sales associate if that store
provides a senior discount. That way, you can be sure to get the most bang
for your buck.

Hope this gives you an idea of how a senior can save.

President Obama walks into the Bank of America and says to a cashier, “Good morning Madam, could you please cash this check for me”?

Cashier: It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?

Obama: Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am President Barrack Obama, the president of the United States .

Cashier: Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the Government regulations, monitoring of the banks because of imposters and forgers, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.

Obama: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.

Cashier: I am sorry, but these are government and bank rules and I must follow them.

Obama: I am urging you please to cash this check.

Cashier: Look, this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank lobby into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and we cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and served an ace shot directly into the center of our bank logo 90 feet away. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?

Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says: Honestly, nothing comes to mind. I can’t think of a single thing I can do.

Cashier: Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old granddaughter and I asked
her, "What day is the 20th of February?"

She said, "It's President's Day!"

She is a smart kid.

I asked "What does President's Day mean?"

I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln .... etc.

She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment."

31. When I retire, I'm movin' north.

30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy..

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You Guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY (EVER):

1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole busload of us
down to re-elect OBAMA.

MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

BUT UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, "'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?"

"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-ASSED, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT, SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH? "

Let me get this straight . . .

We're going to be "gifted" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't, which purportedly covers at least ten million more people, without adding a single new doctor, but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents, written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that didn't read it but exempted themselves from it, and signed by a Dumbo President who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, for which we'll be taxed for four years before any
benefits take effect , by a government which has already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke!!!!!

What the hell could possibly go wrong?

The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.

Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.

No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.

No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.

Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.

Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation.

Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.

You are not Tom Cruise.

SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.

If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you.

If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.

Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.

Smart bombs have bad days too.

The best defense is to stay out of range.

If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.