A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, " No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. "

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

An elderly lady was walking on the golf course on the island of Martha's Vineyard. She slipped and fell.

Obama who was behind her by chance, helped her to get up promptly. She thanked him and he answered, "It was a pleasure to help you. Don't you recognize me? I am your president. Are you going to vote for me in the next election? "

The elderly woman laughed and replied: ''You know ... I fell on my ass, not on my head!"

Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and Barack Hussein Obama:

1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the
same Bible.

2. Lincoln came from Illinois . Obama comes from Illinois.

3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois
Legislature.

4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had
very little experience before becoming President.

5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his
inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his
inauguration.

6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

8. Lincoln was in the United States military. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

9. Lincoln believed in everyone carrying their own weight. Obama is a skinny
lawyer.

10. Lincoln did not waste taxpayers' money on personal enjoyments. Obama is
a skinny lawyer.

11. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

12. Lincoln was born in the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.

13. Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe. Obama is a
skinny lawyer

14. Lincoln saved the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.

15. Lincoln reunited a tragically divided country. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

So give the guy some credit: He doesn't have a weight problem.

Playboy magazine reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue.

Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.

In other news... we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of two small breasts and two large thighs.

Now KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket." It consists of nothing but left wings and chicken shit.

An old Arab living in Detroit has a vegetable garden that he would like to dig over, so he can plant potatoes. He is too old to face the task, and his only son lives in Paris. With sadness, he writes his son an e-mail.

Dear Ahmed,

I am very sad. I would like to dig over my garden so I can plant potatoes, but I am too old now. I am sure that if you were here, you could do it for me.

Your Father

He receives an e-mail in reply:

Dear Father,

Please, on no account touch the garden. It is where I buried "the object".

Ahmed

The following morning, the old Arab's house is surrounded by units of the US Army, the FBI and Homeland Security, who take possession of his back yard and dig up every millimeter of the garden, but find nothing. That night, the old man receives another e-mail:

Dear Father,

I assume that by now your garden is completely dug over and you can plant potatoes. It was the best I could do.

Ahmed

She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN

She is not a SCREAMER or a MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION

She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED

She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED

She is not a SLUT - she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED

She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?!" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained. " It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me"

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

He never heard the gunshot.

Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids. After his talk he
offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.

" Walter," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Walter?"

"I have four questions:

First, Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the
Congress?

Second, Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's
actually gotten worse?

Third, Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor,
then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?

Fourth, Why are we lending $ to Brazil to drill for oil, but
America is not allowed to drill for oil?"

Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that
they will continue after recess.

When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right:
question time.. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him
his name.

"Mikey," he responds.

"And what is your question, Mikey?"

Actually, I have two questions.

First, Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?

Second, What the hell happened to Walter?"

I do not like this Uncle Sam, I do not like his health care scam.

I do not like these dirty crooks, or how they lie and cook the books.

I do not like when Congress steals, I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like this woman, Nan , I do not like this 'YES WE CAN.'

I do not like this spending spree, I'm smart, I know that nothing's free.

I do not like your smug replies, when I complain about your lies.

I do not like this kind of hope. I do not like it, nope, nope, nope.

We gotta vote out this hopeless dope.

Stores with Senior Discounts...


You may have seen these, but I sure did not know about some of these discounts.

Some of these are for starting @ age 50 +

You may want to print it out and carry in your wallet, purse, or car

Stores with Senior Discounts (pass it on!)


IF YOU SHOP OR EAT AT ANY OF THESE PLACES, YOU MIGHT AS WELL ASK FOR THE
DISCOUNT.

My source said you have to ask for them, they aren't automatically given !!

Restaurants with Senior Discounts
(some of these have some really great discounts!)
Applebee's: 15% off with Golden Apple Card (60+)
Arby's: 10% off (55+)
Ben & Jerry's: 10% off (60+)
Bennigan's: discount varies by location
Bob's Big Boy: discount varies by location (60+)
BostonMarket: 10% off (65+)
Burger King: 10% off (60+)
Captain D's Seafood: discount varies on location (62+)
Chick-Fil-A: 10% off or free small drink or coffee (55+)
Chili's: 10% off (55+)
CiCi's Pizza: 10% off (60+)
Culver's: 10% off (60+)
Denny's: 10% off, 20% off for AARP members (55+)
Dunkin' Donuts: 10% off or free coffee (55+)
Einstein's Bagels: 10% off baker's dozen of bagels (60+)
Fuddrucker's: 10% off any senior platter (55+)
Gatti's Pizza: 10% off (60+)
Golden Corral: 10% off (60+)
Hardee's: $0.33 beverages everyday (65+)
IHOP: 10% off (55+)
Jack in the Box: up to 20% off (55+)
KFC: free small drink with any meal (55+)
Krispy Kreme: 10% off (50+)
Long John Silver's: various discounts at participating locations (55+)
McDonald's: discounts on coffee everyday (55+)
Mrs. Fields: 10% off at participating locations (60+)
Shoney's: 10% off
Sonic: 10% off or free beverage (60+)
Steak 'n Shake: 10% off every Monday & Tuesday (50+)
Subway: 10% off (60+)
Sweet Tomatoes 10% off (62+)
Taco Bell: 5% off; free beverages for seniors (65+)
TCBY: 10% off (55+)
Tea Room Cafe: 10% off (50+)
Village Inn: 10% off (60+)
Waffle House: 10% off every Monday (60+)
Wendy's: 10% off (55+)
WhiteCastle: 10% off (62+)


Retail and Apparel
Banana Republic: 10% off (50+)
Bealls: 20% off first Tuesday of each month (50+)
Belk's: 15% off first Tuesday of every month (55+)
Big Lots: 10% off
Bon-Ton Department Stores: 15% off on senior discount days (55+)
C.J. Banks: 10% off every Wednesday (60+)
Clarks: 10% off (62+)
Dress Barn: 10% off (55+)
Goodwill: 10% off one day a week (date varies by location)
Hallmark: 10% off one day a week (date varies by location)
Kmart: 20% off (50+)
Kohl's: 15% off (60+)
Modell's Sporting Goods: 10% off
Rite Aid: 10% off on Tuesdays & 10% off prescriptions
Ross Stores: 10% off every Tuesday (55+)
The Salvation Army Thrift Stores: up to 50% off (55+)
Stein Mart: 20% off red dot/clearance items first Monday of every month
(55+)


Grocery
Albertson's: 10% off first Wednesday of each month (55+)
American Discount Stores: 10% off every Monday (50+)
Compare Foods Supermarket: 10% off every Wednesday (60+)
DeCicco Family Markets: 5% off every Wednesday (60+)
Food Lion: 6% off every Monday (60+)
Fry's Supermarket: free Fry's VIP Club Membership & 10% off every Monday
(55+)
Great Valu Food Store: 5% off every Tuesday (60+)
Gristedes Supermarket: 10% off every Tuesday (60+)
Harris Teeter: 5% off every Tuesday (60+)
Hy-Vee: 5% off one day a week (date varies by location)
Kroger: 10% off (date varies by location)
Morton Williams Supermarket: 5% off every Tuesday (60+)
The Plant Shed: 10% off every Tuesday (50+)
Publix: 5% off every Wednesday (55+)
RogersMarketplace: 5% off every Thursday (60+)
Uncle Guiseppe's Marketplace: 5% off (62+)


New Seasons Grocery 10% off on Wed. (65+) 10% Tue. (military)

Travel
AlaskaAirlines: 10% off (65+)
Alamo: up to 25% off for AARP members
American Airlines: various discounts for 65 and up (call before booking
for discount)
Amtrak: 15% off (62+)
Avis: up to 25% off for AARP members
Best Western: 10% off (55+)
Budget Rental Cars: 10% off; up to 20% off for AARP members (50+)
CambriaSuites: 20%-30% off (60+)
Clarion: 20%-30% off (60+)
Comfort Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Comfort Suites: 20%-30% off (60+)
Continental Airlines: no initiation fee for Continental Presidents Club &
special fares for select destinations
Dollar Rent-A-Car: 10% off (50+)
Econo Lodge: 20%-30% off (60+)
EnterpriseRent-A-Car: 5% off for AARP members
Greyhound: 5% off (62+)
Hampton Inns & Suites: 10% off when booked 72 hours in advance
Hertz: up t0 25% off for AARP members
Holiday Inn: 10%-30% off depending on location (62+)
Hyatt Hotels: 25%-50% off (62+)
InterContinental Hotels Group: various discounts at all hotels (65+)
Mainstay Suites: 10% off with Mature Traveler's Discount (50+); 20%-30%
off (60+)
Marriott Hotels: 15% off (62+)
Motel 6: 10% off (60+)
Myrtle BeachResort: 10% off (55+)
National Rent-A-Car: up to 30% off for AARP members
Quality Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Rodeway Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Sleep Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Southwest Airlines: various discounts for ages 65 and up (call before
booking for discount)
Trailways Transportation System: various discounts for ages 50 and up
United Airlines: various discounts for ages 65 and up (call before booking
for discount)
U.S.Airways: various discounts for ages 65 and up (call before booking for
discount)

Activities & Entertainment
AMC Theaters: up to 30% off (55+)
Bally Total Fitness: up to $100 off memberships (62+)
BuschGardens Tampa: $3 off one-day tickets (50+)
Carmike Cinemas: 35% off (65+)
Cinemark/Century Theaters: up to 35% off
U.S.National Parks: $10 lifetime pass; 50% off additional services
including camping (62+)
Regal Cinemas: 30% off
Ripley's Believe it or Not: @ off one-day ticket (55+)
SeaWorld Orlando: $3 off one-day tickets (50+)

Cell Phone Discounts
AT&T: Special Senior Nation 200 Plan $29.99/month (65+)
Jitterbug: $10/month cell phone service (50+)
Verizon Wireless: Verizon Nationwide 65 Plus Plan $29.99/month (65+)
*Check out our Secret Cell Phone Discounts to view all cell phone
discounts available to you!


Miscellaneous
Great Clips: $3 off hair cuts (60+)
Super Cuts: $2 off haircuts (60+)


Since many senior discounts are not advertised to the public, our advice
to men and women over 55 is to ALWAYS ask a sales associate if that store
provides a senior discount. That way, you can be sure to get the most bang
for your buck.

Hope this gives you an idea of how a senior can save.